for those of you who’ve met me in person, this should speak volumes.

enjoy.

photo credit by rick christopher gunther (RCG).

i intend on having this photo the rest of my life.

a picture and a poem.

things are pretty plain right now, and i’ve really got nothing to post about….

so here’s a pic from new years eve and poem from my form and theory class.

enjoy.

‘my mother’s funeral’

The rabbi doesn’t say she was sly and peevish,  
fragile and voracious, disheveled, voiceless and useless,
at the end of her very long rope. He never sat beside her
like a statue while radio voices called to her from God.
He doesn’t say how she mamboed with her broom,
staggered, swayed, and sighed afternoons,
till we came home from school to feed her. She never frightened him,
or bent to kiss him, sponged him with a fever, never held his hand,
bone-white, bolted doors, and shut the blinds. She never sent
roaches in a letter, he never saw her fall down stairs, dead sober.
He never watched her sweep and murmur, he never saw
spiderwebs she read as signs her life was over, long before
her frightened husband left, long before
they dropped her in a box, before her children turned
shyly from each other, since they never learned to pray.
If I must think of her, if I can spare her moment on the earth,
I’ll say she was one of God’s small sculptures,
polished to a glaze, one the wind blew off a shelf.

                                                        

well, i finally found her.

…the future ex mrs. pennington. 

ladies and gentlemen (and ciavarro),

i introduce to you jennie saunders–pennington.

she’s british and beautiful, her voice is powerful and dynamic, and i’m totally enamoured.

check out her song ‘my love.’

 

man laws.

now, i’m not sure how much of my personal life leaks out into the blogworld, but for all of you who didn’t know, i do sit on a few committees.  with all the miller lite commericals dictating acceptable beer etiquette and thus deeming them man laws, there’s been pressure from the international community to publish a more general set of mannish rules,  claiming that miller’s man laws, while acturate, are a little too concise and don’t provide for enough situations outside of the “beer etiquette” parameters.

after much deliberation, myself and the committee present you these:

The International Rules of Manhood:

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.  [i actually take this one a step further — if i’ve got my hands on my junk and you’ve got hands on yours, at that moment, just short of unperceivable danger or the Swedish bikini team offering free blow jobs in that particular bathroom and i didn’t know it was my turn, we have nothing to talk to about.]

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”

We hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

somebody i used to know…

is having major surgery tomorrow. 

if you’re the praying type say a prayer for her.

thanks.

in other news, i’m starting to feel better. 

still sick, (for those of you who didn’t know).

sinuses. 

hate them.

strep throat in the winter, migranes in the spring and fall. 

sucks.

but, despite all that, i completely kicked ass in the staff meeting today.  i mean -ROCKED- ass.

i knew my entire presentation from memory, fielding all questions without referring to my notes, (and had an a competent answer for all questions), and –inbetween blowing my nose and coughing– had acurate counterpoints for the usual b.s. 

and yes, i do really have a beard.

and for over-emphasis, i absolutely feel like rolled up dog shit.