last day of november

November 30, 2005

here’s a little of what i’ve been doing this month.

It was only after 5 hours of driving that I met Sarah-joon. You see, when I get like this, I always go for a drive, and not of your Sunday afternoon vareity. More like, police report, missing persons kind of a drive. This time I ended up in St. Louis; it was Saturday, and somehow I got it into my head that I could catch a Cards game. Sarah-joon was all mascara and blue eye shadow at the gas station where her parent’s BMW had stopped working. Raven-haired, crystal blue-eyed, slightly confused, terrified, and totally intoxicating; she was the reason I pulled into the gas station, having a half tank left.

Lets just say, for a moment, that I couldn’t make eye contact with her when she first spoke to me. Had that been the case, it would’ve only been to watch her speak. To watch her full, bee-stung lips release the question, “…do you have a cell phone?” Then, of course, had I not been able to stare directly back at her, I would have missed her eyes: as big as silver dollars, but unsure of me, captivating in the fearful way they analyzed me, and unknowingly looked right through me. I was instantly obsessed with her.

Sarah-joon was 20, but in the most 17ish of all ways. I told her she wasn’t nearly cynical enough to be 20, which was a lie, a baiting lie that I used to get her to talk more about herself at dinner, no more than an hour after I’d met her. She said she was 20, and believe me she was plenty cynical, and when the waiter came around to ask what we wanted, she said she wanted a beer, heiniken, and her fake ID said she was twenty-five.

I said I’d have the same, myself being newly 21 and the two and a half day stubble on my face making me look 25. I wanted to smoke a cigerette but I wasn’t sure if she smoked–she was just out. What self respecting 20 year old with a fake ID that said 25 wouldn’t smoke?
I asked her what she was doing here, where she was from, even though as a red-blooded man I’d done a completely worthless full inspection of the car, and seen her Michigan plates. With each question she squirmed, got a little more distant, but then realized she was giving herself away and would look at me dead on, smiling slightly, daring me to question her lies. She said she was in college, had come home for the weekend. I think she was a runaway. Not a serious one though. Just leaving long enough to see who’d notice.

I told her that I was here for a Cardinals game but really just came for the drive; I’d been in a mood as of late and couldn’t cope otherwise. And there, in that resturant, a pizzeria with the circle style booths, she leaned into me, one hand grabbing the lapel of my brown leather jacket, the other touching my face, and kissed me. I don’t know why it happened, and really, I question the events of my life up to this point had it not happened, but, maybe in between bites of our chicken salads with Italian dressing, or in one of those classic hand brushing moments while simultaneously reaching for napkins that are so thematic in 80’s movies that just seemed to keep happening to us, we realized that not only did we both love Coldplay and Jack Kerouac, that both of us were reveling in these same moments, and everything was wonderful and new. Despite everything, I was still jealous that once, she’d met Chuck Palahniuk at the airport.

At this point, I thought again of the road. How on the drive up here, the grey sky and the light rain on my windshield made me worry if my worn tires would hold the road if I sped. I thought about how my windshield wipers were stuck on the medium setting and worked too well or not well enough. I thought about how much I was sick of college, and how my writing classes didn’t seem to be going so well. I thought about how much I missed my Mother. Sarah-joon had excused herself to use the restroom, she walked fast and awkwardly, her motor skills just taking into effect the four Heinekens she’d drank, but still with a grace that made her misunderstood to most and provocatively perfect to me.

I slinked back in our circle booth, taking a long drag off my camel light, head cocked to the side, sort of smiling, sort of smirking, wondering how I’d come to be so happy in a day that started off in such way, I didn‘t feel anything.

She came back from the restroom with a patience restored in her walk, smiling coyly. I immediately made eye contact with her, couldn’t help but to, she was already staring at me, analyzing me. Sarah-joon, in her remarkable doubt, would later admit that she half-way expected me not to be there when she came back. I could agree with that reasoning. Every curious moment of seamless bliss I’d come across before always had a biting way of being everything but. No matter what, though, you never stopped looking for them. Somewhere inside, all that cynicsm had a way of softening for these perfect and regrettable moments, which, are probably the purest, most decent ways of being a hypocrite.

sorry about not posting as much blogland…november is always a weird month for me. all my energies are usually tied up.

i just can’t believe it’s almost over.

here’s to next year.

flesh and blog…

November 29, 2005

{afk} …sorry, still away.

so, everyone, catch me up. what’s the latest?

what’s the highest bid for ben’s phone number?…
has ciavarro insulted anyone lately?…
is pitt taller yet?…
is mike dating yet?…

brett, called you earlier, give me a shout back.
kirk liljestrom, where the hell are you?

finding yourself on google…

November 21, 2005

ever wonder who you might have been?…

try typing your first and last name into a google search, and then, be a little weirded out by the similarities…

introducing, brandon pennington from Harrisonburg Va, “I am Brandon Pennington (23) a.k.a ‘B.’ I play the Guitar and Cowbell” eyes like sunday

Brandon Pennington is 25.78 years old and has been a member of Threadless since Jan 25 2005 and has scored 493 submissions, giving an average score of 2.2049. that just happens to be my exact age.

brandon pennington the english teacher from Brunswick, MD. i’m an english major.
also, the image from his webpage is on a calender i just bought.

another brandon pennington in the english department, this one goes to shepard college (where ever that is)

this is what brandon pennington looks like

Free Image Hosting at Brandon Pennington (left), 7, watches as Nathan Spencer, 7, both from Rudolph, looses his hat while playing on a fence at the Wood County Fairgrounds in Bowling Green, Ohio. 8/2/04

one of us anyway…

and finally,

me…just on ben’s page

fire-ball-whiskey{{{{{{{{{{rocker of the old-school nintendo}}}}}}}}}}}}}guy who’s gonna sell you my shorts

what i’ve been missing…

November 6, 2005

so yeah, i’m really missing home at this point…
madison realizes this so she sends me pictures, i’m sure you all saw the halloween pics on ben’s site… i just love it when madison dresses up really sexy and goes to a bunch parties when i’m a 1000 miles away, there’s really nothing more comforting… anyways, here she is pictured with some of the world’s shortest people, mary and alyce

Image hosted by
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now, the occation that they’re all celebrating here is this chick’s birthday, brittany . i think she’s twenty now.
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anyways, i should be home a week from today, the 13th i believe, but on my way i’ll probably be stopping in chicago to see one of my buddies…

i promise to have loads of pictures.


chuck’s latest*****sunshine*******what else i’m missing

(insert title here)

November 2, 2005